Consent & Accountability are vital to safer space.
Consent stretches beyond sexual interactions. It is built into the very fabric of every interaction we have in our daily lives. It is vital to support the people around us in their ability to name their needs and build the trust in them that we will respond accordingly. We strongly believe that in our current cultural climate it is not possible to build a 100% guaranteed “safe” space. We are committed to building risk aware space where communication is prioritized. Creating risk-aware space means that we are pretty constantly evaluating the impact of our actions on the folks around us by listening to them when they name their needs and feelings - in the fluidity of communication, emotional intimacy & connection wait.
The following document is intended to be utilized by anyone within (or, without, frankly) the body suspension community. The purpose of this document is to incite others to create spaces where our practice is one that is safer, and more inclusive, for everyone. This specifically addresses the safety of women, all those of gender non-conforming identities, and including transgender people. It is the expressed intent of this message to start the path towards an alternative modus operandi that can persist in our community from this moment forward. Accountability and communication are central, and vital, to this journey. Our community is only as safe as we make it.
This information is not a decree, nor position statement. It is intended as starting point to create a stronger community that is invested in higher and safer values. Our approach is one of continuous improvement, and integration of that improvement. This document is a living entity that will adjust to address past, present and future conversations and challenges. It is an agreement between all of its readers that discrimination, assault, abuse, bullying and rape will not be tolerated within the body suspension community, and incidences will be addressed. There is no easy, or perfect, answer. The practice of suspension, and community events, will require everyone to address behaviors and incidences that inherently alienate, or harm, members of our community.
The intention here is to support a community of body suspension that prioritizes compassion, empathy, understanding, and inclusivity. The materials around consent protocol and violation/accountability frameworks have been gathered from several adjunct communities. Some of the materials have been altered for the purposes of body suspension and consolidated here. Some materials appear verbatim as is the request of the content creators. Reviewers of this proposal are encouraged to review the original texts which are noted at the bottom of the page.
W&S Code of Conduct
The suspension community is a place for connection, growth, & joy. However, not everyone will want to interact with you the same way you might want to interact with them. That’s okay. Here are Wolf & Sheep’s rules of etiquette, or Code of Conduct, so everyone feels at choice. While at a Wolf & Sheep Productions event, you are expected to uphold these protocols, policies, and etiquettes at all times. Community members are encouraged to report violations so that we can prevent escalated incidents or trauma.
Talk to each other and get explicit consent before a suspension or any interaction that involves contact begins
“Yes” means yes. Hesitation or “maybe” means “no” or there’s something to clarify (see “yes” means yes). Ask questions, talk, clarify when ambiguous.
A “yes” once does not mean “yes” in the future, even within the same hour of spacetime. Don’t make assumptions.
Want an interaction to end but you don’t know what to say? Our universal word is EGGPLANT.
If someone says EGGPLANT to you, that means this interaction ends immediately. If you can, talk about what just happened so it doesn’t happen again. If you don’t feel comfortable talking right away, that’s okay. At some point in the future, we’ll be able to discuss it.
Contact us via email if you need emotional support, have questions, want to learn how to be smooth in your consent talk, or need HELP.
If you see or experience behavior that is inappropriate or out of line, please let us know. We like to catch consent breaks early, and often, so we can prevent more traumatic violations. (examples: lack of sobriety, you feel unsafe, you’ve said EGGPLANT more than once.)
Suspension is not an inherently performative act. Use your best judgement when entering someone’s space and do everything in your power not to interrupt their experience.
If someone communicates a boundary to you, listen and respond compassionately.
The goals of prompts like these are to encourage and incite communication. A healthy balanced interaction is centered on an ability to communicate your needs and reciprocally hear the needs of others. You may need to adjust your behavior as you might find that the impact of your behavior is not aligned with your intentions. It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s not okay to justify your mistakes through any means. Accountability is at the heart of what we do. This is a space where you are encouraged to name your truth freely and grow into your power fully.
The folks cited below are doing great work inside of the space around consent negotiation, community standards inception, and restorative justice efforts. I highly encourage you to research these efforts if you’re interested.
Mental Health Resources for Trauma Survivors
NCSF: Kink Aware
California Bay Area specific - BAWAR
Training, Knowledge Bases & Community Organizations
Community Accountability for Survivors of Sexual Violence Toolkit
US Based - National Center for Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault
International - Institute on Violence, Abuse, & Trauma
Intersectionality
The intersectionality wars by vox.com
What’s intersectionality by time.com
Anti Racism
Anti Racist Reading List by Ibram X. Kendi
Example Codes of Conduct
Color Code of Conduct incepted by Homeroom